LLWorldTour

Well, for the third time on my world tour, I’m celebrating a “New Year.” First it was the Roman calendar’s January 1^st in Australia. Then it was the lunar New Year in Hong Kong (Kung Hei Fat Choi!) and Tet (Chuc Mong Na Moi!) inVietnam in mid-February. Now, in Thailand (as well as Cambodia, Laos, and Burma) it’s the solar New Year—Songkran. Traditionally it is celebrated when the sun enters the zodiac sign of Aries, but it is in fact the celebration of the vernal equinox. Up until 1940, this was the official New Years holiday in Thailand. Nowadays it is just tradition, though, as they too celebrate New Years Day on January 1^st.

Traditionally, during the afternoon of the 13th, Buddha statues were bathed as part of the ceremony. Young people pour scented water into the hands of elders and parents as a mark of respect while. But now, it seems everyone takes to the streets in a complete water gun fight and super splash-down.

The Thai people celebrate this festival with water. Everyone gets soaking wet and since it is the hottest season of the year (temperatures can rise to over 100°F or 40°C on some days), the custom is quite refreshing. People roam the streets with bowls of water, water guns or even a garden hose, and drench each other and passersby.

And, of course, in tourist-filled places like Phi Phi it has become quite a wet and wild tradition. On my way back from the port and my tour of the islands, it was a good thing I was wearing a bathing suit because I got soaked. So what did I do? Punched a hole in the top of my water bottle and retaliated, of course!

After a few days in Phuket, I hopped aboard a two hour ferry to the beautiful limestone-cliffed island of Phi Phi (yes, pronounced pee-pee). This area is also just now bouncing back from the 2004 Tsunami that virtually destroyed nearly every standing structure on this island. It’s actually quite beautiful here once you get past all the tourists and ramshackle shops blocking the view. Here jagged cliffs plunge dramatically into the crystal blue waters of the Andaman Sea. The curving bays of white sand beaches are just about the epitome of the ‘perfect beach.’ This of course, was confirmed by the movie, “The Beach,” that was also filmed here.

I took a one day boat tour that took me and about thirty other passengers to Phi Phi Ley, the island right next door. Here was the famous Maya Beach where the Leonardo DiCaprio bore his fine chest in the film (based on Alex Garland’s novel of the same name) and cemented Phi Phi’s road to over tourism. So, as a result the beach wasn’t as secretive and deserted like it was in the movie. Today dozens of boats stopped here so snap happy tourists could have a ‘look see’ and take some photos. It was still a gorgeous cliff-rimmed cove, but the tiny beach was just too crowded. We snorkeled around Maya Bay and several sights around these islands. I have to say that I saw more sea life here than I did at the Great Barrier Reef off of Australia. The waters here are crystal clear and teeming with all kinds of tropical fish, sea cucumbers, coral, sharks, and sea urchins.

We also got to kayak around the bay and stop off at a little cove they call “Monkey Beach.” Why? Crazily enough there are monkeys here! Doing all their monkey things—stealing people’s water bottles, eating bananas (yup), and yes, even having hot monkey-sex right in front of the gawking, voyeuristic tourists. It was a quick but good show. It was like the “Red Light District” of Monkey-town. I think the monkeys like to be watched. Maybe they were hoping for a tip. They may not “see, hear, or speak evil” but the little buggers certainly do some evil.

So, lying around Kata Beach in Phuket, I didn’t really do much of anything, but enjoy my sweet room and lay by the pool and the beach. I also took advantage of the cheap spas and got a little pampering. Well, for any girl out there who’s had a bikini wax…I would say that ‘pampering’ is NOT the first word that really comes to mind…perhaps ‘torturing’ is a better descriptor. I wandered over to the many small local ‘spas’ lining the narrow alleyesque pedestrian streets here. They aren’t exactly how we define ‘spa’ back home. These places are simply storefront rooms with body-length cushions on the floor separated by curtains and if you’re lucky there’s a/c or at least some oscillating fans. The place I popped into actually surprised me. They cranked the A/C for me, turned on some Thai-pop tunes and even lit little candles. And not to get too graphic here, but this $12 wax was way better than any $40 job I’d had back in Chicago. It hurt less and she was way more, ahem, thorough.

Since I really liked the people and the vibe here, I decided to stick around for an hour long $7 Thai massage. My massage therapist was Momo, a big, gay Thai guy with highlighted hair tips and black-framed glasses. He was a blast and we talked about which of my American friends I could fix him up with since he said his body ‘too fat’ (by Asian standards) for Asian guys. It was funny because he was probably about the average size of most American men. He wasn’t into Asian guys anyway, and more wanted a nice, white, pasty westerner.
After the relaxing massage, I stuck around to chat with Momo and the other girls at the spa and helped them hawk other customers on the street.

After the relaxing massage, I stuck around to chat with Momo and the other girls at the spa and helped them hawk other customers on the street.

“Hello. Massage?” “Hello. Pedicure for you today?”

It was fun to be on this side of the ‘hawkfest’ for once.

I shared some of the photos on my laptop from my trip so far, but Momo was only interested in seeing pics of guys. I didn’t have too many, but showed him any guy I’d met along the way. Of course he thought my ex-boyfriend was quite handsome, but I assured him that Andy is not gay. Unless things have changed drastically since I left.

After a hectic and tiring month cycling through Vietnam and then schlepping through the scorching 100+ temps of the Cambodian countryside, it was time for another ‘vacation from my travels.” I mean I hadn’t really had a ‘vacation’ since January when I beached in Australia for a week (sorry, kick me now). So…I jetted down to Phuket Island, one of Thailand’s prime beach destinations and the jump off point to many island getaways.

I stayed at the lovely Kata Poolside Resort near Kata Beach, supposedly a slightly less-crowded beach than the ever popular Pathong area. My room was a fabulous oasis of modern calm with a huge white-linened king size platform bed and balcony overlooking swaying palms and the outdoor lobby’s fountain. Ahhhh, serenity now. Well, maybe not. There was a sound in the air that I found utterly annoying. Besides the fact that the town was overrun by tourists, they all looked and sounded the same. I am surrounded by blond, blue-eyed people. What? Obviously they are not local Thais. They are Scandinavians. It turns out that these island hot spots are very popular tourist destinations of Swedes. I’m usually the only American at many places I’ve visited and often am the only blue-eyed person in a sea of native Asians, but here at the hotel pool, I was practically the only one not here for the “Ikea convention.”

Phuket and more specifically Kata Beach was just gorgeous. Well, it was until 2004 when the famous tsunami ravaged the place. On December 26, 2004, the second largest earthquake in recorded history erupted on the floor of the Indian Ocean. The 9.3 magnitude quake triggered a series of horrific and deadly tsunamis that claimed nearly 300, 000 lives in the countries along the Indian Ocean rim.

In Thailand alone, five thousand people were confirmed dead and 3000 more were reported missing. About half of the victims were Thai citizens and the other half were tourists. It turns out the majority of these tourists were from Sweden. It’s actually pretty cool–the Swedish Governement has encouraged it’s citizens to return and pump some much needed cash back into the place.

After the old, dusty cities of Hanoi, Saigon, and Phnom Penh, driving into Bangkok was not at all what I expected. Modern Glass and steel buildings scraped the sky. There were big roads, big billboards and big cars—Mercedes and booming low rider trucks. It felt more like we were driving into Manhattan from the Bronx.

From the distance and vantage point of our air-conditioned ghetto blaster minivan complete with gold mirrored interior and a DVD player, the city seemed more modern than anything I’d seen since Hong Kong. Bangkok seemed to teeter on the edge of old and new, hip and traditional. Thai teens ran around the new shopping malls on their mobiles with tattoos and piercings wearing the latest trends. We were told to be careful to dress conservatively and not wear tank tops or short shorts. But then you see most of the kids and especially a lot of the gorgeous Thai young ladies (or ‘lady boys’) prancing around in stilettos and micro minis. It seems ‘times are a-changin.’

Of course, since war times, the city was always a stop for GIs on their way home or a place for some R&R. Nowhere is this more evident than the red light district, Patpong. It’s still going strong today, although not as seedy as in days gone by; it’s become a favorite stop on the tourist trail. Go-Go bars and odd sex shows abound, one of the more well-known would be the ping pong ball shows–not very classy…or even sexy really. You can figure it out what these ladies do with a ping pong ball.

Ko Sanh road is the infamous and crazy and crowded pedestrian backpacker strip with tons of bars with scantily clad Asian beauties on the sidewalk enticing thirsty travelers to come inside because they have “very strong drinks.” The block is teeming with scruffy, smelly, dred-locked bohemians looking for a good time. Anything and everything is for sale here: bootleg CDs and DVDs, classy t-shirts with slogans like “iPood”, showing a silhouetted guy on a toilet, grilled meat on a stick (everything is better on a stick), massages (of all kinds), travel packages, fake IDs, and I’m sure ‘other’ things that are not necessarily displayed on the fold-out tables lining the sidewalks. Everything looks cheap and is cheap Our group stopped here for drinks on our last night together at one of the dozens of bars. It’s certainly not an area chock full of tradition or culture, but it’s still a sight to behold. I also returned another day to get my hair cut and highlighted and a little brow wax—all costing me about one fourth of what it would back in Chicago..

Of course, most of the time I walked around the city…this song kept popping into my head. It kinda sums it up. Sing along if you’d like.

One Night In Bangkok
THE AMERICAN:
Bangkok, Oriental setting
And the city don’t know what the city is getting
The creme de la creme of the chess world in a
Show with everything but Yul Brynner

One night in Bangkok makes a hard man humble
Not much between despair and ecstasy
One night in Bangkok and the tough guys tumble
Can’t be too careful with your company
I can feel the devil walking next to me