In many ways, Australia is just like America. But there are a few obvious differences I must discuss. Even though we speak the same language, there are some definite words and phrases that I had to learn. We all know terms like g’day, mate, no worries and the loo. But whereas we say “how are you,” “how’s it going” or “what’s up,” here in the land ‘down under’ they say how ya going instead. When we say “good going” or “good for you,” these guys here say good on ya! We’ve all heard the Ozzie term barbie for barbecue before. But they seem to “cutesitize” a lot of other words as well: breakfast=brekkie, mosquitoes=mozzies, university=uni, avo=afternoon, and therefore, of course, evo=evening. Of course, because of their ties to England a lot of the vocabulary here uses the Queens English: biscuits for cookies and chips for fries.

Also speaking of food, rockmelon is cantaloupe—I much prefer the word rockmelon anyway—I mean what is a cantaloupe—sounds like some antelope in a can or something. Actually the cantaloupe we eat in the US is really a muskmelon. The Cantaloupensis, (look closer the word you think you just saw is not in there!) the true cantaloupe, has a completely different appearance and is only grown in Europe. Oh, and the aforementioned capsicum (red and green bell peppers)? I’ve done some research and discovered that is their actual scientific botanical name. Wow—that’s very deep of the Australians and just so far removed from their other words like brekkie. I was shopping in a department store recently and came across the Manchester section. The what? Apparently, it’s the household linens and sheets section. I’ve been away so long I can’t even recall what we call it. A bottle shop is a liquor store and a milk bar is a convenience store and speaking of, there is a 7-11 on nearly every corner. And I stopped by Target a few days ago to replenish some of my toiletries. But this major coffee drinking town only has a handful of Starbucks, instead there are hundreds of independent coffee shops and cafes where the locals gather and laze the day away with latte in hand and cigarette in mouth.

Flip flops here? Still called thongs. I’m sure that leaves you with an important follow-up question—and yes, here, it’s still called the G-string. Just like the good ol’ 70s. And lastly, this is definitely a nation that likes its booze or piss (what they call alcohol). You can surmise this by all the slang terms they have for vomiting: pavement pizza, kerbside quiche, rainbow sneeze, technicolor yawn, liquid laugh, drive the porcelain bus, and simply chunder. Mmm…nice images.

I can’t imagine driving here as I’m slowly getting used to just walking on the ‘wrong’ (left) side of the sidewalk and standing on the left side of the escalator or passing others on the right instead of left. But occasionally my right-leaning (not politically speaking) tendencies get the better of me and I drift over to that side. It must be a sheer giveaway to the locals that I am American. I can just hear them, “look at her walking on the right, tsk-tsk silly American girl!”

Besides just driving on the left there are some other driving rules you better know before getting behind the wheel here. At some intersections here they have what are called hook turns, a unique driving rule to Melbourne. Now, again, keep in mind they drive on the left here. A ‘hook turn’ is literally a right turn made from the left most lane. At these intersections, you turn right from the left hand lane, leaving the right hand lane free for through traffic and the tram tracks in the middle clear for trams. So instead of getting over to the right most lane, you actually pull as far to the left as possible (basically perpendicular to the cars waiting at the red light), wait in the intersection for the light to change and then pull a wide right turn across the whole intersection. Think about it back in the US as if when you wanted to make a left hand turn you first pulled all the way to the right curb to do it!

Something else I’ve noticed, especially from working here, is they seem to charge for everything—at my café you have to plunk down an extra fifty cents if you want mayo or mustard on your sandwich, and even just toasting it will cost you another two Quarters (if they used Quarters here)! You want that ‘to go?’ You have to ask for take away containers, and guess what? That will be one dollar more, please.

Now for some of the differences I see as improvements. Here there are simply no pennies. These archaic coins are pretty worthless so they just simply round up. For the most part all prices are multiples of five. Makes life much easier.

Like 95% of the rest of the world, Australia is also on the metric system. Why we never switched over completely in the U.S. is perplexing to me. I remember learning it all in the 3rd grade and then it just seemed to ‘go away.’ The United States is now the only industrialized country in the world that does not use the metric system as its predominant system of measurement. But we’re inching toward it, so to speak. Metric is the preferred measuring system for U.S. trade because our overseas trade partners all use it. Doctors do all measures in metrics especially distributing medicine in cubic centimeters. Virtually all scientists in the U.S. use metric measures exclusively. Track and field events have dropped yards and miles all together. I remember running the 100-yard-dash in middle school, now they do not run yards or miles, but events like the 1600 meter event which has replaced the mile. Congress passed a law in 1975 to work toward making the metric system the standard system in America. This was amended in 1988 when it was decided that the Government itself must be metric before it can start asking the private sector to follow suit. That’s right, people. There’s a creeping “metricization” going on. And someday, you may finally have to admit that kilo for kilo, it really is a better system.

Working in the food service industry, I’m well aware that there is virtually no tipping here. As a traveler, it certainly makes things much easier and as a worker its okay, because the minimum wage here is much higher than the sad low wages we have back in the U.S. In fact, New Zealand and Australia were the first countries in the world to put into effect the ‘minimum wage’ back in the late 1800s to ensure fair pay and no exploitation of workers. The current federal minimum wage for full or part time employees aged over 21 in Australia is AU$13.47 (~US$10.50) per hour. As of January 2007, the United States federal minimum wage is $5.15/hour. I think I made more than that in High School nearly 20 years ago. (Coincidentally, the day after I posted this the
U.S. Senate voted overwhelmingly to raise the federal minimum wage to $7.25/hour. But as all things bureaucratic, it would not happen quickly. The legislation would raise the minimum wage in three steps. It would go to $5.85 an hour upon taking effect 60 days after the president signs it into law, then to $6.55 an hour a year later, and to $7.25 an hour a year after that. This is the first raise to the minimum wage in a decade.)

Supermarkets here have virtually done away with plastic bags. It seems nearly everyone uses one of those reusable canvas grocery sacks. They sell them only for 99c right at the register and it just seems silly not to. In fact, they have somehow made it seem cool to be seen with a green canvas supermarket bag. I say this because it seems everyone has one. That is probably the simplest, best marketing strategy. Why has this not become the norm in the U.S.?

Finally, it appears that Australia has the friendliest flies I have ever met. Never have I become so aware of my tiny winged friends buzzing around me. Back in the States, it is very rare that I’m bothered by flies. Normally if one is around you, you can ‘bat’ it away and that’s that. Not so here. The “blowies” are just like our standard house fly, but these little buggers are lazy, slow moving, and stick to you like American flies on shit. Seriously, here you bat a fly away and it flies in a circle to land right back on your arm or face. The cute Kangaroo is usually held up as the animal that represents the essence of Australia. However in terms of influencing Australian culture, the Kangaroo is no match for the fly. Although the fly doesn’t appear on any flags, it has shaped everything from the manner an Australian speaks to Australian fashion. In terms of speech, it has been said that the Australian accent is a product of Australians breathing through their noses for fear that flies might blow into their mouths. Flies have also inspired a new style of body language. Known as the “Australian Salute”, Australians have turned flicking away a fly into an art form.

I’d been in Melbourne for only three days and I’d already found a place to stay, made a new best friend, joined a tennis league, and landed myself a job in a café.

Finding a job was not easy since I (shhh…) didn’t have a work visa and was not going to be here very long so no one wanted to take the time to train me if I was giving notice in three weeks. I was at a point though, where I need something “real” to do and didn’t want to just be a tourist anymore. I knew having a real routine and getting a job would allow me that insight into a place and its people that you just can’t get as a tourist taking the double-decker city bus tour. Plus, this country ain’t cheap and I could use the dough to help offset some of the costs.

My first day here I searched for jobs all day walking up and down Brunswick Street which is filled with, what seemed like hundreds of eateries and cafes. I really had to put on my biggest confident smile and sell myself even though fifteen years of TV experience does not a barista make. I had two ‘real’ retail jobs in High School, but, let’s fact it, that was quite a long time ago. Most places I stopped in to would not hire me because:

A. I had NO coffee experience, B. I would not be here very long, and C. I had no work visa.

One place I tried is called “Beans & Bagels.” We have a place in Chicago with the same name. And, of course, like nearly everywhere in the city, I’d done a story there. I told them about ours and they knew about it because apparently when you Google (funny how that is now a verb in our vocab) it—the Chicago one comes up first—naturally! I was really excited and thought this would be perfect—I’m a Jew—I have tons of ‘bagel experience’ (well, noshing on them) but, nope, they said by the time they trained me I’d be leaving. Oy Vey! That’s when I had to start lying.

I HATE lying, but toward the end of the day, I was giving up hope and the few people I talked to said I should. Maybe a place would hire me if they didn’t know they would train me and then in less than four weeks I would leave. Plus many of the area cafes used a lot of ‘casual workers’ that only worked during their school holiday breaks and such.

After about twelve different cafes telling me ‘no’ for one reason or another, I was getting a bit dejected. This is a huge café town and they take their lattes and cappuccinos very seriously. Was this even going to work? I tried one last place. It was a little coffee/deli/sandwich shop. It was more ‘real’ and not as trendy as some of the other cafes. The manager, Vince, greeted me with a smile.

“Do you have coffee experience?” He asked.

“No.”

“Have you worked in a sandwich shop before?”

“No.”

“How long will you be here?”

“Oh, I’m not sure yet…depends if I get the job,” I said with a smile.

“Okay, come in for a trial tomorrow.”

What? He was actually giving me a chance! And I didn’t even know the name of the place! He was the only one all day who didn’t want to see my resume. I had told him I worked in TV and was a professional, but had never really worked in food hospitality before.

“It’s all about the attitude. I can see you are friendly and have a warm smile—that’s the most important when serving our customers.” Vince said.

Cool, I like it here already. I’ve always seen the importance in customer service and completely agreed. No matter where you go or who you call, the person saying “hello” and first helping you is truly acting as an ambassador to that company and this first impression, at least in my opinion, can really determine whether or not you shop there again. I really hoped I’d get the job—then I will at least I would meet some people, make a little cash, and have a routine.

The next day, I walked into Pane Provinciale and became a student of coffee and sandwiches. Vince showed me how to make lattes (one shot of espresso, steamed milk, and only one centimeter of perfect foam and in a glass not a cup!), cappuccinos (one third espresso, one third steamed milk, one third foam or ‘froth’ with a sprinkle of cocoa on top. These are named after the Capuchin Monks who work white flat hats) and then how to make sandwiches—their way—with margarine as a spread instead of mayo or mustard and besides lettuce and tomato they also love their beet root here! Apparently I’d passed the test because he asked me back the next day and I’ve been working about 20 hours a week ever since.

The Licata Family emigrated to Melbourne years ago from Italy. They had run a catering business and took over this café about two years ago. Charlie and Rose Licata owned the place and ran it with their son, Vince and their niece, Natalie. They were all as nice as could be and I loved their Italian/Australian accents. They reminded me of every warm, funny Italian I’ve ever worked for and with.

My first week I was nervous and in that new job phase where it’s frustrating because you don’t know everything yet. I had to keep asking everyone how much the sausage rolls were or what a hedgehog slice was (a brownie). I was hardly a coffee drinker myself so the learning curve was a little steeper. Plus, even the money was new to me—they have way more coins than we do—including a two dollar and one dollar coins. Plus they have a twenty cent one and another for fifty cents. Also—they seemed to stock their register backwards—the bigger bills were on the right where I was used to seeing the singles. This took a lot of concentration as I certainly didn’t want to give someone change of a fifty-dollar bill instead of a one dollar coin! I was most nervous that someone would come in and shout some crazy order at me in ‘Aussie speak’ and I wouldn’t be able to understand a word of it. This, of course didn’t happen –it was just new job jitters. But I certainly was in the disadvantage because not only did I have to learn they way they did things at this particular café, but had a crash course in what they ‘called’ things here in Australia.

• Whole Meal=Whole Wheat
• Mince Meat=Ground Beef
• To-mah-toe=To-may-toe (“You say To-may-to and I say To-mah-to…”)
• Tasty Cheese=Cheddar Cheese
• Capsicum=Peppers
• Sauce=Ketchup
• Flat White=Coffee with milk
• Short Black=an Espresso
• How ya Going=How are you?

Besides the perks of getting a free lunch and being able to take home sandwiches and breads that would just get thrown out (freebies are always nice for the poor traveler), it was great to be part of the workforce again. I hadn’t worked a job where I was literally on my feet all day since my teenage afternoons at Nagel’s Candy Barn and Image Photo & Video. Now, I was dipping my toes into the chilly waters of manual labor again…and I have to say it really felt good. My former job as a TV Producer was sometimes tiring, but it was more a brain exhaustion. Now, I was physically exhausted after a day on my feet running around making sandwiches during the lunch rush, serving up the locals’ daily dose of caffeine, and washing dishes as they stacked up. There is really something to be said for earning money this way—I felt like I was literally working for it, and haven’t felt this for a long, long time. The extra cash would help cover the more expensive costs of traveling in Australia. Plus, I just really liked the feeling of being part of the Melbourne working world and all the benefits that came with that—meeting the locals, the regulars who frequented Pane Provinciale and getting to know my co-workers. And the mocha lattes are starting to win me over.