Lost in Translation?

I only spent a few days in Amsterdam, a bicycle-crazy (Holland’s 16 million people own 16 million bikes), “live and let live” place where all things are legal in moderation. First I was with my friend Mark and then with some friends I’d met in Turkey.

Then I returned to Germany to spend a week in Cologne with my friends Claudia and Sascha. Thanks to Sascha, I ended up working in the Economics Department at the University of Cologne for a few days helping on an international research study surveying the relationship between airlines and their hub airports. It was a lot of phone calling, but fun considering I’d been to many of the places I was calling. The hardest part wasn’t convincing the people to be a part of the study, but just to get someone, anyone to answer the phone—in some small places like Cyprus no one would ever answer the phone at all. I’m sure the weather was just too nice to be indoors. In the US, someone would always answer, but it was some android automated person–‘Roberta robot’ and she always made it difficult for me to get transferred to an actual human.

One night Claudia took me to a party at a friend of hers. It was fun, once again, to not be a tourist and hang out with locals at a regular house party. Here I met a very good-looking Eastern European guy (who will remain anonymous) who I flirted with, naturally, but he literally spoke three words of English and my ‘insert Eastern European language here’ is non-existent. So what do you in a case like this? Use the language of love, of course. We emailed a bit afterwards and I found his English translations not only hilarious, but oddly profound as well. Enjoy.

>—–Original Message—–
>Sent: Monday, October 08, 2007 9:19 PM
>To: Lisa Lubin
>Subject: Re: Guten Abend
hi like goes you it? You know who writes. thank you.

>——– Оригинално писмо ——–
>От: “Lisa Lubin” <llworldtour@yahoo.com>
>Относно: RE: Guten Abend
>Изпратено на: Сряда, 2007, Октомври 9 00:38:23 EEST
Hi!
How are you? (Wie Gehts???)
At first I thought this email was spam!!
I’m here in Cologne still. I’m staying near the University and start working there tomorrow. I am flying to Spain on Friday. I hope you can understand this email!
🙂 Lisa
Bis später!!

>—–Original Message—–
>Sent: Tuesday, October 09, 2007 9:19 AM
>To: Lisa Lubin
>Subject: Re: Guten Abend
>Hi Lisa, I let this translated over a machine, and I don’t know whether this
>got along something I wrote. I wish you much fun in Spain. Much fun with
>her/it works. Pay attention well to you.Greeting.

>——– Оригинално писмо ——–
>От: “Lisa Lubin” <llworldtour@yahoo.com>
>Относно: RE: Guten Abend
>Изпратено на: Сряда, 2007, Октомври 10 00:38:23 EEST
>———————————-
>Hi!! Funny translation!
>Too bad we can’t meet up for a beer or something…
>I’m around til Friday! I can teach you English!!! 😉
>Lisa

> >Sent: Wednesday, October 10, 2007 10:23 PM
> >To: Lisa Lubin
> >Subject: Re: RE: Guten Abend >
hi Lisa.As it go yourself it.I am kapput.today, was one exhausting
day.When you fly exactly on the Friday.I would undertake something gladly with you.
we will be able to get along badly, but you can teach me;)

>От: “Lisa Lubin” <llworldtour@yahoo.com>
> >Относно: RE: RE: Guten Abend
> >Изпратено на: Сряда, 2007, Октомври 10 23:52:04 EEST
> >———————————-
> >You are funny! You are Kapput! Me too–I worked at University Cologne today and have to tomorrow at 7am.
> >My flight on Friday is at 12:30pm. Tomorrow afternoon I am free…where are you? I will be walking around Koln.
> >Take care and keep smiling!
> >LL

>—–Original Message—–
>Sent: Thursday, October 11, 2007 12:21 AM
>To: Lisa Lubin
>Subject: Re: RE: RE: Guten Abend
Hi Lisa, you bring me to the laughter. I don’t know whether I will be nachmitag in Cologne tomorrow. Until 17 o’clock, I becomes befriend something for mine must take care of and then, I must give child-training afterward I have in the time of. Why you don’t give me your correct enamel-address:, like said I would meet you gladly I, however, doesn’t know whether I in the time of has.Hopefully you now and then write if we don’t find ourselves.Greeting

>——– Оригинално писмо ——–
>От: “Lisa Lubin” <llworldtour@yahoo.com>
>Относно: Guten Nacht
>Изпратено на: Четвъртък, 2007, Октомври 11 01:28:45 EEST
>———————————-
Your English is improving with every email!! 🙂 I don’t have a phone or I’d give you the number…
PLUS what would we say since we don’t speak each other’s language.I think if we met…we may not be able to talk much!! 😉 The best way to reach me is email…or on skype.
>Guten Nacht.
>Xx,
>LL

—–Original Message—–
Sent: Thursday, October 11, 2007 12:55 AM
To: Lisa Lubin
Subject: Re: Guten Nacht
hmmm Madam, you are a funny medchen, the best we first-once write how you say since we cannot understand each other. I cannot forget your eyes.One finds oneself. Pay attention well to you and don’t forget to write. Send me the photos.
Later, if I can English, I tell you some matters:

—–Original Message—–
Sent: Thursday, October 11, 2007 7:55 AM
To: Lisa Lubin
Subject: Re: Guten Nacht
hi Lisa, as it goes you. If nothing can say to it. I don’t want to destroy your plans. You are a fascinating woman and very sexy.I hope that no one will read these enamels. Flige to Spain has your fun and if then improves itself my English we can ourselves in rests entertained. Until then, we write ourselves enamels and it will be much more more interesting if we find ourselves someday. Sleep well and pas well on you on.Good travels and much jokes with dei
—————————————————————–
Крайна цел – Да оцелееш!