Slingin’ in Singapore

Welcome to Singapore.

Now, don’t pee, spit, pick the flowers, feed the birds, smoke, jaywalk, eat on the train, or even think about chewing gum. This is certainly not a good market for Wrigley Chewing Gum. Let’s get to know some Singapore Basics.

Singapore Basics

Locals refer to it as “Fine City” thanks to the government’s strict and often debated “soft authoritarianism” policies including definite fines or even death for these and other horrendous “crimes.” The deterrent strategy has definitely worked for this city-state as crime is virtually non-existent, unemployment is very low, and the average person owns a home thanks to the government subsidized housing for everyone married or single and over the age of thirty-five.

The Lion City is Clean

The “Lion City” is possibly the most efficient, cleanest city on Earth. Okay, well maybe it’s not as eerily perfect as Main Street, USA in Disney World, but it’s awfully close. The sidewalks gleam, the traffic flows quietly through perfectly planned thoroughfares, and this eerie utopia is strangely not crowded like most other metropolises its size that I’ve visited.

But, at the same time, it does lack that ‘rough edged,’ old-world personality of other Asian cities. Singapore is also a huge crossroads of cultures. There are nearly four million permanent residents living side by side–Chinese, Malay, Indians, Arabs, live together in what appears to be perfect harmony in this former British Colony.

There is so much to see and do in Singapore. I strolled through the colorful and lively enclaves of Little India, Chinatown, and the Arab Quarter taking in the sights and smells and tasty foods of each. Long before the Europeans arrived, Arab traders plied the coastlines of the Malay Peninsula and Indonesia, bringing with them the teachings of Islam.

Indian Singapore

The Indian population has been part of Singapore’s development from the beginning. Although Singapore was administered by the East India Company, headquartered in Calcutta, Indian convicts were sent here to serve their time. These convicts left an indelible mark on the city, reclaiming land from swampy marshes and constructing a great deal of the infrastructure and buildings. The enlightened penal program permitted convicts to study a trade of their choice in the evenings. Many, on gaining their freedom, chose to stay in Singapore. Other Indians came freely to seek their fortunes as clerks, traders, teachers, and moneylenders. As I walked along Serangoon Road in Little India, my senses were overwhelmed by the fragrances of curry powders and perfumes, by high-pitched Indian music, by jewelry shops selling gold, and stands selling garlands of flowers.

Back in 1819, Britain’s Sir Stamford Raffles first set up a trading post here and began to develop the city… and today Singapore has the world’s busiest container port (as far as total tons). It’s only been 40 years since Singapore gained full independence from Malaysia and yet this former fishing village has progressed in record time. The British fingerprint is still everywhere. Beautiful Victorian buildings line the streets and English is the norm and is one of the official languages.

Singapore Singlish

In fact everything is so “English” that at times I feel like I’m in an American city. There is even a local dialect known as Singlish. It’s mostly English with some rapid Chinese and Malay thrown in for spice. The most noticeable thing in the “Singlish” language is how locals add the suffix, “lah” onto everything.

“Want to eat lah?”

“Let’s go lah!”

“Your feet stink, lah.”

One of Smallest Countries

The city grew from nothing to become the ultra efficient, ultra modern metropolis that it is today.
Singapore is the seventeenth smallest country in the world. It’s 42 kilometers wide from east to west and just 23 north to south. But, as we know, good things come in small packages. So it’s no surprise they have built the world’s biggest Ferris Wheel (a Chicago original, of course. For you non-Chicagoans—that’s where the first ever Ferris wheel was built, during the Columbian Expo of 1894, but back to Singapore…) and also the world’s first and largest floating stage. Made of lightweight steel that floats on water, the stage is about the size of a soccer field. A huge building boom is also underway on the city’s harbor front. A Sands Casino, several condominium buildings, large, green parkland, and virtually a whole ‘city within a city’ is being built at Marina Bay as I write this.

Singapore Subway

Their subway system is super clean with amazingly efficient service. Anytime I took the train, I never waited more than four minutes for it to arrive.The trains are spotless and bright and even have video screens inside. The show I liked the most was a “terrorism awareness” video that looped while I rode to my destination. It was reminding us passengers of the recent train bombings in London, Madrid, and Mumbai and asking us to be vigilant in noticing any odd behavior or odd bags on board.

I have to say I quite like the frankness of the Singaporean government. They certainly don’t beat around the bush. There are signs posted everywhere telling you how it is. If you Litter? Bam! $1000 fine. If you sell drugs? Bam! Death. They mean business… and ya know what? It works. I’ve never felt safer.

Orchard Road

Orchard Road is Singapore’s answer to Fifth Avenue in New York City or Michigan Avenue in Chicago. It is lined with shopping mall after shopping mall with all the names—Louis Vuitton, Chanel, and of course, Starbucks. Here tourists scurry about buying things they can undoubtedly also get at home… all part of the vacation experience, I guess. I can never fit anything extra in my bag… so I just browse.

Clarke Quay

One of my favorite parts of the city is Clarke Quay. I was lucky enough to meet another local here. My good friend, Joro, from Chicago (who also caught up with me in Melbourne while on a business trip—pretty cool to see your friends on the other side of the world), connected me with his friend and co-worker, Haroon, who is originally from Dubai, but grew up here in Singapore.

Haroon took me out to Clarke Quay, the outdoor/indoor entertainment complex on the Singapore River with huge overhead ‘umbrellas’ that protect you from the elements and also keep you cool with outdoor air conditioning as you party the night away.

Every place is another cool club or hip bar. And, in Singapore style, there are maps guiding your around this party zone helping you find your drunken way to the next bar. We danced to house music at the “Ministry of Sound” and hip-hop at “Attica.”

We met up with two Russian girlfriends of his and ended up dancing and partying until the wee hours when of course we stopped off at the ‘world’s favorite drunk food stop,’ McDonald’s. Well, I haven’t seen any IHOPS here. It wasn’t until the next morning that I realized beers in Singapore cost $10 each. Ouch. I’m not in Vietnam anymore.

Red Light District

The next night I took a “red lantern” tour. The name of the tour is a play on words since they took us to the Red Light District. I guess since it’s the “oldest profession” they used to do it by lantern light, right? In this area, known as Geylang, prostitution is legal and the ‘legal’ girls are registered and have cards and belong to reputable brothels… and then all the ‘illegal’ girls are just not. It was quite interesting…gaggles of girls were dressed in their Sunday worst—short skirts, cleavage baring tank tops, and lots of bangles–lined up on the side streets just waiting for an offer. And there was no shortage of clients either—mostly foreign immigrant workers—shopping around for their pick. And, of course in that efficient Singapore-fashion, the girls are organized in sections arranged by their background—Chinese Girls on the first few blocks, then the Indonesian Girls, and then Malay girls… so you can go straight to the area of the ethnicity of your choice… or try a new one each night!