“Life is a series of hellos and goodbyes and I’m afraid it’s time for goodbye again…” ~Billy Joel
Do you travel for love? I wasn’t looking for love and yet I traveled completely around the world and found it…right where I started.
For someone who was meeting strangers and new people every day, why was I hesitant to ‘friend’ him on Facebook? I saw his picture come up time to time, but we weren’t really friends in real life and that was sort of my ‘friending’ policy – you had to actually be my friend. So I ignored it. And I ignored it again. And then one day, I must’ve been in a good mood and feeling confident (okay, I’d had a few glasses of wine…”liquid courage” and all), so I clicked “add as a friend.”
And he accepted.
Serial Monogamist
When I took off to travel around the world, I left a five-year relationship. And that one had been preceded by another five-year relationship. I certainly didn’t think I had a commitment problem. Or did I? Or was it just not right? Or was I too picky and destined for a life of disappointment?
I had been very much in love and very committed until…I just wasn’t.
I had been very much in love and very committed until…I just wasn’t. It’s so funny how that works. One day you think it will be forever. You are so happy, so fulfilled. You can see your whole life with this person – a “future” however that looks for you. And then it’s over. Maybe that was part of my problem; my future didn’t look as traditional as others (The house. The kids. The ‘burbs), so it was cloudier and harder even for me to picture without those expected milestones.
Maybe I could’ve tried harder and it would have worked? Maybe it wasn’t “meant to be.” I think we have to tell ourselves that or else we’d be forever depressed and longing for something that might have been.
And I liked being single, mostly because it meant I could see and feel and do without distraction, without that longing feeling of missing someone back home.
Solo and Single Traveler
So, I moved on, literally and figuratively. I traveled the world as a single woman. And I liked being single, mostly because it meant I could see and feel and do without distraction, without that longing feeling of missing someone back home. I wasn’t traveling to find love.
I met men in foreign lands. Some for a night. And some for months. I tried to be open to possibilities. I had excitement and I had fun. But never a deep connection. I never fell in love. But I didn’t care. I made amazing friends and connections all over the world. Travel became all about the people and the bonds I made. This had an incredible impact on me.
Finding Love in the Most Unexpected Place: New Jersey
So, after nearly three years living out of a bag and living my life in the world with powerful highs and jarring lows, I returned to New Jersey, to my childhood town, home, and even the twin bed of my youth. It was a place I’d left nearly twenty years ago, to go live my life. It was a good place, but not a place I longed for or ever thought to which I would return. And not because I don’t like New Jersey, I do very much and often brag about the beauty that no one seems to know about. But because I’d outgrown the idea of living in the suburbs far from my city of Chicago where I’d grown to feel very much at home with diverse people, ideas and opportunities for growth and learning, literally right outside my door.
But there it was. Love. In the most unexpected place and form. And found on…Facebook. See, not only was he in the suburbs of New Jersey, but we actually had gone to high school together…and I had a crush on him way back when.
You were probably just ready for love in your life,” he said, trying to rationalize why I’d fallen for him.
No, believe me, if it worked like that and I was just ready for love, I’d have surely “chosen” to fall in love with the guy in Italy or Spain,” I said assuredly. “Do you think I’d be choosing New Jersey over Europe?”
But I was and I did. More accurately, travel has helped me be open, to meet, to talk to, to easily make new friends and form newer, deeper relationships.
Traveling + Love
And now, we’ve been together several years and are still very much in love. In fact, I think I’ve finally reached that deeper love that I’d been missing. We weathered some ups and downs and are even stronger for it.
I never expected or even wanted any ‘Hollywood ending’ for my life. But in my own way, I still got one. I left my hometown and lived elsewhere for two decades. I circled the globe to return to the very first place I had started my life. And now it seems my life has come full circle.
This is an excerpt from a future memoir. 🙂
My Midwest: Door County, Wisconsin
I would love to write something like this some day….. I am glad you found love. It´s essential, like the air and the water. It helps you live and enjoy life.
I love this story. And I love how it’s turning out! Hope to see ya’ll again soon.
Thanks Lance! I like it too. 🙂 Will be seeing you guys for sure more when I’m on the east coast. Soon I will have a car!
Love this! It’s funny because I’ve been thinking of trying to spread my wings a little lately and do some solo travel – kind of the reverse of your story (since I’ve for all intents and purposes been married since I was 23). And also hope that when you end up back here, we’ll maybe see each other occasionally.
Thanks Mara! I think that would be so great for you. I hope you do it! Would love to see you again…hopefully in Seattle!
Thank you Lisa for sharing a more intimate view into falling in love. I enjoyed the story, your trepidation, and the willingness to let go. Truly well written since it clearly comes from the heart.
PS. Elizabeth Gilbert’s home is for sale…..kizmet?
Thanks so much Warren! These posts are the easiest for me to write as the emotion just pours out of me. If I could, this is all I’d write about! And yes! I saw Liz Gilberts video showing her home! Pretty neat. She did say she’s just moving down the road. So someday I will be posting about the time she and I went for coffee. 🙂
Lisa, always a pleasure to read your jottings and this one is no exception. All the very best as life continues to provide you with blessings and love (oh and we’d love to see you both Down Under sometime!) xx
Hi Jan! So great to still be in touch. Thanks for continuing to keep up with me. Still haven’t made it back to Oz…yet.
Excited for your happy rebeginning in NJ! I agree, a state that never gets much credit, but is actually worth a stop when tearing down the NJ turnpike or Garden State Parkway. Maybe now I’ll see you every now and again when I’m back in PA visiting the family. You’ll be just a short trip up 95 after all!
Thanks Keryn!! NJ really get a bad rap. Too bad, because much of it is quite lovely. When’s your next trip to PA?
I love this story! It is so inspiring and exciting! It always happens when we least expect it, and it the most unexpected ways! Good for you. Thanks for sharing.
“More accurately, travel has helped me be open, to meet, to talk to, to easily make new friends and form newer, deeper relationships.” I feel the same way! This was so lovely to read. Thank you for sharing!
Happy travels 🙂
Thanks Lauren. Amazing what traveling can do!
Only just catching up online after some sketchy internet again! Love this Lisa! So happy for you!……and,yes, it does sound like Hollywood, but who cares? I saw a wonderful program on tv the other day featuring a house makeover in NJ (I was ill in bed is my defense), and it looked very cool actually! I hope the traditional Hollywood “Happy Ever After” applies too!
Thank you Linda! Happy Ending..who knew? And NJ is cool! 🙂
Great story Lisa, really appreciate it, Wish I could write this kind of experience one day.. Great pictures btw.
Thanks Tina!
Great post! I found my love in New Jersey too! Then, I dragged him around the world.
Thanks Amber!! NJ has some good ones!I feel very fortunate.
Great post! It is interesting that you traveled the world and found love right in your own backyard! 😀
Aw, thanks Chanel. It was VERY unexpected for me. I still smile when I tell the story. 🙂
Lisa, congrats! Watching your many posts over the past few years has been a treat. Seeing you take that leap to truly see the world has also been incredibly inspiring, but this is equally inspiring in a different and wonderful way.
Thanks so much Bill! Life keeps unfolding. I love to see where it takes me.
Love it! Congratulations! Will we get to see you on an upcoming season of Jersey Shore? Say hi to Jwowww!
Thanks Brad! This post is from a year ago! But still the same…although I still haven’t officially moved there full time…yet! NO to Jersey Shore, thankfully. BUT the actual Jersey shore is beautiful in so many spots. 🙂