Estoy Sola (I am alone).
I have traveled alone on and off for four years. I’ve mostly loved it and at times, I’ve I hated it, but luckily not often. I wrote about its virtues here. And there are many.
In my last post I talked about how traveling alone pushed me out of my comfort zone. Well, I wrote that before I left. Now I am here and feeling the full effects of just that…being uncomfortable.
I’ve mentioned previously my self-awareness of my mood when I first arrive in a new and foreign place – taking time to get accustomed to the sights, sounds, and smells, finding my groove, and giving myself ‘transition time’ to just feel comfortable in my own solitary skin.
Well, I’m not there yet. I landed in Cartagena, Colombia at ten o’clock in the morning on New Year’s Eve day. I cabbed it to my hotel, checked in, dropped my bags and then hit the streets. For the first couple of nights I was staying in Bocagrande, not a remote outskirt, but also not the totally touristy center. It felt like a slightly crumbling Miami Beach. There were concrete high-rise condos and hotels wedged between shack-like eateries and the odd hip café or modern home appliance store. This was more the place for Colombian tourists and less expats. It seemed up and coming, but for many here, this was already it – the posh and trendy place to be…and also allegedly a nice dumping ground for drug money. But for me and my American preconceptions and innate views, it still seemed poor, dusty, and in parts, dodgy. My traveler side knew it wasn’t and some of it reminded me of many Latin-American or southeast Asian countries…especially the sidewalks. They crumbled beneath my feet and I had to watch for cracks and broken tiles.
And as I wandered around, there it was…my old friend, ‘discomfort.’ Why did I leave the comfy and easy-feeling USA? Why didn’t I stay longer at my uncle’s house in his posh Fort Lauderdale gated-community with the lush landscaping and all-amenities atmosphere?
I was uneasy. My ‘aloneness’ makes me feel super ‘visible’ at times in places like this. As I walked down the broken sidewalks, I felt like every guy was staring at me, whistling at me, calling to me. I didn’t want this kind of attention. Back home in Chicago, I walk alone in peace all the time – why was this different? I felt like I stood out. And not necessarily because I don’t look Colombian. But because I carry a back-pack and a camera. I am a photographer, so I tell myself I really have to have my camera out and visible in order to take photos, but at the same time it makes me feel very self-conscious and certainly conspicuous. And that’s not a helpful feeling to have when you are a photographer. Now I recall having this feeling other times I was traveling when ultimately I didn’t get ‘the shot’ I wanted because I felt too uncomfortable to walk closer to someone or something or to bother taking my camera out at all. It’s a double-edged sword. I want to blend in, but I want to get great shots.
If I didn’t already look like a tourist in my Teva sandals and backpack, I certainly did now. There are Colombian women all around me and some are alone, but you don’t see them with a backpack or hiking shoes. They are all in cute heels or sandals and big clutches or purses. Why does traveling make me feel less feminine? And you wouldn’t think I would feel this considering so many men have made comments to me, from the immigration officer upon my arrival to waiters to random guys on the street.
“Hola chica! Tus ojos azules son muy bonitas.”
“Porque estas sola?”
“Donde esta tu novio?”
Time and time again people ask me how I traveled alone for so long. I always regale them with tales of all my new friends on the road and other happenstance meetings all over the world – all the kismet-like encounters that led to amazing (or simply fun) experiences. I always say how I am never alone for very long. But what about when I am? Do I like it? Right now…no. Now I can remember the feeling of loneliness and the longing to mostly have someone to grab a beer with or eat a nice meal with. I know this feeling does not last and I did have plans to meet people soon. I know I also like to be alone to tour a city without worrying about others’ needs or holding others up while I wait for a perfect shot or the perfect light. But so far, for dia numero uno – I’m a hot, sweaty mess. I’m a bit lost and questioning how much more I should keep pushing myself out of my comfort zone during these kinds of travels. I certainly don’t need to prove anything to anyone anymore. So, just for the ‘sake of doing it’ is not a valid reason.
I’m sure (as usual) that I’ll be over this self-pitying low tomorrow, but for now I wanted to get it down on paper (yes, real pen and paper. I did chicken-scratch this one out at a bar while drinking my favorite drink: Cerveza Michelada – a beer with lime juice and salt…alone of course) so I could think about it more and get it out of my system and ponder what’s next. Of course, then I ended up talking to my waiter a bit and wasn’t alone, at least for a moment.
When you travel alone, how do you feel? What are your favorite parts? Least favorite?
Traveling solo is definitely not for everyone, BUT it's fantastic that you tried it regardless!!!
@Andi –
Thanks! You are fast…I just posted! 🙂
I traveled alone for 3 years…just doing it again now and it's been awhile. It has its ups and downs.
I LOVE traveling alone and I can't say I've ever felt lonely, because, if I do, I simply seek out other backpackers, where there are bound to be other people traveling alone who are insterested in meeting people. Much like you, I've made some amazing friends on the road from all over the world!
But then when I need some "me" time and want to do something different than my new found friends, we just go our seperate ways. That's the beauty of traveling alone!
That said, I'm not a solo female traveling, so I haven't encountered machismo like you've been seeing in Colombia.
My least favorite part of traveling alone? Eating alone. It kind of sucks.
Sometimes I do get lonely traveling by myself, but at other times I relish the fact that I can window shop for as long as I want, sit and read at a plaza for as long as I want — and generally do whatever I want for as long as I want.
My least favorite part is making a decision by myself. I love to bounce ideas around, and a pretty indecisive person.
I love being able to experience new things alone. Without the buffer of a companion that may keep you from reaching out to locals and start new conversations with strangers. When I don’t love it is when I see happy couples. Sometimes I think they are cute and make me smile. But other times I get jealous that I’m not sharing this experience with someone important to me. And that’s when the loneliness hits hard.
Face it sissy…you’ve been bit. Eros has embedded the arrow deep. Missing someone is a gift too. There’s a litmus test for the question posed by the Bee Gees “How deep is your love?” All your posters seem to recognize. Good Heavens, half of them are sobbing out loud for you…and thats just the guys! Welcome Home should be an interesting and wonderfully different experience for you. Tienes adora!
I know where you’re coming from and it usually is only the first day or so in a new country when you have that ‘awkward’ feeling, before you make a connection with other people and your trip really starts. But I also think some countries are more welcoming to solo travellers than others, simply because they are either more developed or have large communities of travellers constantly passing through.
Keep your chin up, you’ll be having a great time before you know it…just like all the other times! 🙂
Truly crazy how we are always on the same page…a bit scary at times. What I love is that you often put into words the things that I struggle to find words for. That self conscience of not feeling feminine and sticking out – oh sista…I’m there. I feel the ugliest, yet the happiest when I travel. But that ugly feeling really does effect my confidence at times. very strange.
Since I arrived in the Middle East at the same time you arrived in Columbia – I’m going thru the same stuff about wondering why I do this to myself. I couldn’t put my finger on it this time…I just didn’t feel right for the first week or so. I wasn’t loving it…I was tense, questioning, my mind was going on overdrive. Then eventually you fall into it again…the rhythm. Then it wildly swings the other way…and you don’t want to go home any longer.
Solo travel is a funny thing.
While I had a fabulous day exploring Ubud, I write this while sitting alone in a restaurant and I look around to realize, as I often am, the only single person in a room full of couples. Yep, these are the hardest moments and they never get easier.
Ah! Colombia! Que bueno! Have fun! I myself have only done brief stints of solo travel. Mainly arriving in cities and waiting a few days for people to arrive. I get through it, but I can’t say I like it too much and wouldn’t do it if I could help it. Though, wouldn’t rule it out if I didn’t have a choice. Variety is the spice of life! xxx
I love traveling solo as you know, but it’s so much easier when I’m in a country where I can blend in easily and speak the language. It’s definitely harder the first few days in a foreign country where you stand out like a sore thumb. Sometimes being lonely has value. You spend more time alone with your thoughts and feelings than you normally do, and you may learn some things about yourself you didn’t know.
I travelled solo for the first time for 5 weeks through Mexico and Guatemala. That was three years ago now. I absolutely loved it. It made me get out of my comfort zone, forced me to talk to people and I made some great friends from all around the world. There was one time that I felt downright alone and uncomfortable, but I just decided to leave the place I was in and move on somewhere else – and it worked.
While I love travelling with my boyfriend or friends, there's something special about doing it alone.
Hi Lisa,
I just wrote you a long email (which will hopefully cheer you up!), but it got sent back… a problem with your gmail address. Is there another address i can send it to, or are you aware of an email issue?
Andy